5 Characters Han Solo Should’ve or Could’ve Punched
In the Star Wars Universe there are all kinds of people. You have those who use magic swords, aliens that have more than 3 arms, sand people with sticks, and big worm crime managers. So it only makes sense that there are multiple ways of fighting. But today I want to talk about the Han Solo school of fisticuffs.
If you go back and watch Star Wars (1977), you might notice that Han Solo adheres to the oldest trick in the book. He doesn’t waste time punching, kicking, or even waiting for a fair fight. He just shoots. Minimal effort. Bing bang boom, done. But seriously the next time you watch A New Hope, try and count the number of people Han Solo punches. I’m pretty sure the number is zero.
I suppose there could be numerous reasons. Some might say that he was a scoundrel and an anti-hero. Shoot first and ask questions later. Which is what he did. Others could argue that George Lucas only had so much time and money to train actors to fight. So he chose the two most likely candidates, an old man and some Scottish guy. This seemingly left the rest of the actors brandishing hair dryers and adding the lasers in post.
But you also might find that Han Solo’s approach to fighting changed throughout the trilogy. While he opted for a blaster first policy in ANH. By the time Empire Strikes Back came around, our favorite smuggler quickly learned that lasers blasts only solve so much. (hmmm…)
Enter the fist.
Perhaps he got the taste for it after he punched Lando. Maybe the Tauntaun he dissected on Hoth gave him the love of melee. I don’t know. If you fast forward to Return of the Jedi you’ll see not only does he rely less on his blaster, Han Solo starts to use his brain. You could say he grew into his role as General and started listening to the Princess. Sure there was more leadership and planning, but there was also way more punching and throwing. I’m assuming he argued with George Lucas for at least an hour on why he should be able to use his whip.
Let’s get to it, here are 5 characters that Han Solo should’ve punched.
5. Grand Moff Tarkin
For this guy, I was mainly thinking “gee, who would have been the most satisfying person for Han Solo to punch out in the original Star Wars”. And here we are.
He shot Greedo, stepped on Jabba, and smacked Luke. So right away Han is on a pretty good roll. But after that he doesn’t get his just desserts. Even the guy who can imagine quite a bit, can’t fathom the power of the Death Star. Shoot as many lasers at that thing as you want and punch to your hearts content, but the Death Star was built to withstand aggressive smugglers.
So Han is left without a satisfying outlet to vent his frustrations in regards to the Death Star. So why not punch the man responsible? At least it’d get a chuckle from Vader.
4. Mouse Droid
How does one punch a mouse droid? Unless you’re Yoda, the best option would be to use your feet. And honestly I can’t imagine a funnier scene than Han Solo kicking a mouse droid. Like seriously, just take a second and imagine it. Who else is imagining the droid prop just shattering? Because I am. Fun right?
And for some reason I don’t think this is completely out of character. The real question would be, how many mouse droids could Han Solo kick before it started to become too many? My answer would be as many as it takes.
3. General Crix Madine
Let’s pretend Crix Madine is an Empire spy and Han Solo uncovers his secret. So instead of a nice power point presentation about the second Death Star. Han Solo just hauls off and punches Crix in the face. But unbeknownst to our lovable smuggler, Crix’s beard deflects punches and the after blow knocks Mon Mothma to the floor. She pulls out her blaster to decide who’s really the traitor. But then Luke comes in and throws his lightsaber at all of them.
All I’m saying, this would’ve been a good fight.
2. Several Ewoks
These things aren’t just teddy bears. They captured 3 of the most celebrated heroes of the Alliance and pretty much won the war against the Empire. But they didn’t treat Han none to nice in the process. Luckily they captured Return of the Jedi Han, and not A New Hope Han. If that were the case he would have put smoking holes in at least 8 Ewoks before they took him down with spears.
So they try to cook him, and braided his girlfriends hair, all the while he’s just thinking about who to punch first. I would like to imagine that Han never once learned an Ewok’s name, and referred to Wicket as “ticket”
1. Darth Vader
Who hasn’t dreamed of punching the father of their significant other? Not that Han knew Darth Vader was anything more than a scary space robot. But these two never really got to have it out. Vader blew up his girlfriend’s planet, he took out his TIE fighter, Vader made a nice dinner, Han shot him…so on and so forth.
Come to think of it, punching Vader wouldn’t be that satisfying. But let’s say Han head butted him? Now that would be a story the galaxy would tell for the next hundred years. The guy who head butted Vader.
So there you have it. One part non-sensical wish fulfilment, and other parts character development analysis. To be fair, I only started writing this because I found the concept entertaining. I still do. But it’s interesting how Han’s character changed as not only the story did, but Harrison Ford. Before 1977, he was an unknown actor and carpenter. Fast forward a few years and he is the lovable space pirate AND whip wielding treasure hunter/teacher.
I also believe this mirrors Poe Dameron’s arc in The Last Jedi. Much like Han at the beginning of the trilogy, he shoots first and asks questions later. But lasers and punches only go so far. Then again this is Star Wars. But in my opinion Han isn't given enough credit for how much growth his character had.
What do you think?
In the Star Wars Universe there are all kinds of people. You have those who use magic swords, aliens that have more than 3 arms, sand people with sticks, and big worm crime managers. So it only makes sense that there are multiple ways of fighting. But today I want to talk about the Han Solo school of fisticuffs.
 |
| Han vs Cat Man |
If you go back and watch Star Wars (1977), you might notice that Han Solo adheres to the oldest trick in the book. He doesn’t waste time punching, kicking, or even waiting for a fair fight. He just shoots. Minimal effort. Bing bang boom, done. But seriously the next time you watch A New Hope, try and count the number of people Han Solo punches. I’m pretty sure the number is zero.
I suppose there could be numerous reasons. Some might say that he was a scoundrel and an anti-hero. Shoot first and ask questions later. Which is what he did. Others could argue that George Lucas only had so much time and money to train actors to fight. So he chose the two most likely candidates, an old man and some Scottish guy. This seemingly left the rest of the actors brandishing hair dryers and adding the lasers in post.
But you also might find that Han Solo’s approach to fighting changed throughout the trilogy. While he opted for a blaster first policy in ANH. By the time Empire Strikes Back came around, our favorite smuggler quickly learned that lasers blasts only solve so much. (hmmm…)
Enter the fist.
Perhaps he got the taste for it after he punched Lando. Maybe the Tauntaun he dissected on Hoth gave him the love of melee. I don’t know. If you fast forward to Return of the Jedi you’ll see not only does he rely less on his blaster, Han Solo starts to use his brain. You could say he grew into his role as General and started listening to the Princess. Sure there was more leadership and planning, but there was also way more punching and throwing. I’m assuming he argued with George Lucas for at least an hour on why he should be able to use his whip.
Let’s get to it, here are 5 characters that Han Solo should’ve punched.
5. Grand Moff Tarkin
 |
| This guy looks like a stiff wind would blow him over |
For this guy, I was mainly thinking “gee, who would have been the most satisfying person for Han Solo to punch out in the original Star Wars”. And here we are.
He shot Greedo, stepped on Jabba, and smacked Luke. So right away Han is on a pretty good roll. But after that he doesn’t get his just desserts. Even the guy who can imagine quite a bit, can’t fathom the power of the Death Star. Shoot as many lasers at that thing as you want and punch to your hearts content, but the Death Star was built to withstand aggressive smugglers.
So Han is left without a satisfying outlet to vent his frustrations in regards to the Death Star. So why not punch the man responsible? At least it’d get a chuckle from Vader.
4. Mouse Droid
How does one punch a mouse droid? Unless you’re Yoda, the best option would be to use your feet. And honestly I can’t imagine a funnier scene than Han Solo kicking a mouse droid. Like seriously, just take a second and imagine it. Who else is imagining the droid prop just shattering? Because I am. Fun right?
And for some reason I don’t think this is completely out of character. The real question would be, how many mouse droids could Han Solo kick before it started to become too many? My answer would be as many as it takes.
3. General Crix Madine
 |
| Rebel Alliance Beard Champion |
Let’s pretend Crix Madine is an Empire spy and Han Solo uncovers his secret. So instead of a nice power point presentation about the second Death Star. Han Solo just hauls off and punches Crix in the face. But unbeknownst to our lovable smuggler, Crix’s beard deflects punches and the after blow knocks Mon Mothma to the floor. She pulls out her blaster to decide who’s really the traitor. But then Luke comes in and throws his lightsaber at all of them.
All I’m saying, this would’ve been a good fight.
2. Several Ewoks
These things aren’t just teddy bears. They captured 3 of the most celebrated heroes of the Alliance and pretty much won the war against the Empire. But they didn’t treat Han none to nice in the process. Luckily they captured Return of the Jedi Han, and not A New Hope Han. If that were the case he would have put smoking holes in at least 8 Ewoks before they took him down with spears.
So they try to cook him, and braided his girlfriends hair, all the while he’s just thinking about who to punch first. I would like to imagine that Han never once learned an Ewok’s name, and referred to Wicket as “ticket”
1. Darth Vader
Who hasn’t dreamed of punching the father of their significant other? Not that Han knew Darth Vader was anything more than a scary space robot. But these two never really got to have it out. Vader blew up his girlfriend’s planet, he took out his TIE fighter, Vader made a nice dinner, Han shot him…so on and so forth.
Come to think of it, punching Vader wouldn’t be that satisfying. But let’s say Han head butted him? Now that would be a story the galaxy would tell for the next hundred years. The guy who head butted Vader.
So there you have it. One part non-sensical wish fulfilment, and other parts character development analysis. To be fair, I only started writing this because I found the concept entertaining. I still do. But it’s interesting how Han’s character changed as not only the story did, but Harrison Ford. Before 1977, he was an unknown actor and carpenter. Fast forward a few years and he is the lovable space pirate AND whip wielding treasure hunter/teacher.
I also believe this mirrors Poe Dameron’s arc in The Last Jedi. Much like Han at the beginning of the trilogy, he shoots first and asks questions later. But lasers and punches only go so far. Then again this is Star Wars. But in my opinion Han isn't given enough credit for how much growth his character had.
What do you think?
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